The Paradox (A Sonic Generations Parody)
by HTKWolfe777
Summary: What if there was a way you could go back in time to experience it all over again? What if there was a way you could meet and interact with yourself from twenty years ago? What if a new monster was the cause of all this and it was tearing away at the space/time continuum that kept your world together? And what if because of all this a Paradox occurred? Based on the YouTube Videos.
1. Paradox Prelude

**_Makers of The Paradox:_**

**_Fat Friar Funk_**

**_ Model40248_**

**_ Jegaomega_**

**_TheMapleSyrupShow_**

These geniuses of stupidity have given me the permission, and the pleasure of turning one of the most outrageous parodies of Sonic history into literature for enjoyment. All credit goes to these psychos so check them out on YouTube if you wanna thank them! Now without further ado, I give you The Paradox!

**The Paradox**

**Act One: "Double Trouble"**

**_Prelude_**

**_Twenty years ago…in the past_**

Sonic the hedgehog ran through the luscious green slopes of the Green Hill Zone, being the lovable little prick we all know he is.

"Okay, time to go through Green Hill Zone Act 1," he said to himself as he ran. "Because I'm Number One, not that stupid Baldy McNosehair Face!"

He popped a few robotic fish, and collected rings as he continued, "Speaking of which, I hear he's up to no good again. Well, not if I have something to say about it!"

Sonic curled into a ball as he went through tunnels, and popped a few more fish, "If he's gonna go fucking around with nature he's gonna have to go through me first! He's already trapped all these poor innocent animals, and I can't take any more of it. So what should I do? I think I should stop him!"

In a move that defies every law of physics we know Sonic dashes upside-down across a cave ceiling, and uses two springs to speed him on his way, "Ya hear that Robuttnik?! If you're thinking about building another Chemical Plant you can think again, cuz Sonic the Hedgehog is hot on your trail! Now, where's that stupid sign of his so I can flip it?"

Sonic dashed through two loops, grabbing a trail of rings in each. Then he fell onto a spring which launched him high into the air to land on a swinging platform. He jumped off the platform, showoff of a daredevil that he is, and hit another spring which put him on a high running platform. Through loops, corkscrews, springs, and Badniks he ran at the speed of sound through the checkered green hills, almost a hundred rings stored in his quills by this point.

"Ha-ha!" Sonic cheered as he spun the sign from Robotnik's face to his own, "In your face Robuttnik! That'll show him who's boOOOOOSSSSS!"

Sonic was forced to skid to a stop as the ground shook beneath him. He quickly looked around him for the source of the disturbance.

"Well he's mad… Guess that's my cue to split!" Sonic took off running again, failing to notice the purple circle of energy hanging in the sky.

Through the portal a monster crawled its way free. It looked almost completely made of darkness, save for the glowing blue light in its face that outlined its eyes, and sharp teeth. Blackness rolled off its form at it struggled free, showing large gears of the same color sprouting from its back. It hovered in front of the portal as it watched the small blue form cutting through the grass.

"Hello, I see you down there," it called in a high voice as it gathered purple energy in its hands. It shot its arms out to either side of it, sending the energy all over Green Hill Zone.

Sonic stopped, seeing the monster for the first time, "Huh? Who are you? And what are you doing?!"

A wave of white light seemed to wash over the entire zone, and Sonic had to shield his eyes. "Ah! Too white! Too white! AH! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

_**To be continued...**_

_**Next chapter: A Party for the Generations**_


	2. Chapter 1: A Party for the Generations!

**Act One: "Double Trouble"**

**Chapter One**

**_A Party for the Generations_**

**_20 years later… in the present_**

In a random field many miles from any city was the setup for a party. A picnic table with plates of food sat surrounded by three trees with streamers. Amy, Knuckles, Rouge, Blaze, Cream, Vector, Charmy, and Espio worked to prepare everything for the surprise party.

Tails ran up to them, "Places people, PLACES!" He paused a moment to catch his breath, "He'll be here… any second!"

Tails's sense of timing was impeccable because the words weren't even out of his mouth for a second before Sonic ran up behind him. He'd figured out what Tails was up to on the way other, and was praying a few people _wouldn't_ be there.

"No Big the Cat, check! No Chris Thorndick, check! No Chaotix-oh GODDAMMIT! Tails, what did I tell you about inviting them?!"

"_SURPRISE!"_

Everyone, who had been crowded around the table jumped aside to show the spread on the table. Vector took the lid off a cake with Sonic's face in blue icing. Espio, Knuckles, Rouge, and Blaze fired off party poppers filled with confetti.

"Yeah surprise, surprise," Blaze muttered sarcastically. She knew Sonic had already figured it out.

Sonic facepalmed, "Tails, I'm never putting you in charge ever again-!" He suddenly became very occupied with keeping Amy off of him. The others were paying little to no attention to him as they mingled.

Knuckles, and Rouge were talking about just how fucked up they were gonna get that night, and Espio watched Charmy find out how many chilidogs he could stuff in Vector's mouth (a lot). Blaze was taking with Cream, and Cheese offered her a cupcake.

"So Sonic, how'd I do for my first time?"

Sonic was holding Amy at bay with a hand in her face, "I told you not to invite the Three Stooges you dolt!"

"Aw come on Sonic, I know what will cheer you up! You'll love this…" Tails reached behind him.

Sonic was not amused, "When I get done with you I swear- _OH MY GOD, CHILIDOG!"_

Sonic snatched the treat, and started munching on it with an "_OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"_

Tails smirked, "Did I do good Mr. Director Man?"

"You got lucky this time."

Everybody was so busy having a good time nobody noticed the portal forming until it was too late. With a sound like a weird explosion a shockwave was sent right for them.

Sonic noticed, "Oh what now?!"

Everyone let out a shout of surprise as the shockwave hit them, and sent all the party stuff flying, including Sonic's chilidog.

"Okay," Sonic called out. "Is everyone except the Chaotix alright?" He noticed his chilidog was gone, and looked around for it.

Tails waved to get Sonic's attention, "Sonic, what is that?" He pointed to the portal.

"**_What's this now?"_** The Time Eater clawed out of the portal, "**_A party? And I'm not invited?_**"

"But we didn't invite you," Tails protested.

"And yet you invited the Idiot Brigade," Sonic snarked sourly.

"**_I see how it is. C'mon everybody, party at my house!_**"

The Time Eater opened several portals into the air in front of it, and a massive whirlwind started to suck them into them.

"Whee!" Charmy was the first to get sucked up. Vector was next, followed by Espio with a cry of, "Hey now, what the hail?!"

"Thank you God," Sonic shouts out.

While he's occupied the next victims were Rouge, and Knuckles who grabbed Amy, dragging her along with them.

"Sonic!" Amy flashed through a portal.

Vector disappears yelling, "_I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEE!"_

Sonic finally caught on, "Hey hey, that's a little too much there!" Since, due to a plothole, he was unaffected by the wind he took a running start, and charged the monster with a Homing Attack.

The Time Eater backhanded the attack away like swatting a fly, "**_I think it's enough to fill me up, nom nom nom nom!_**"

Sonic grunted as he hit the ground, "Oo-ow-fuck-owww!"

Rouge vanished next, and then Blaze. Tails was the last, hanging on to a picnic table for dear life. He knew it was a losing battle.

"Help… us… Soniiiic!"

Then he too was gone.

"**_Aw, don't feel too bad sweety, I'll make it up to you! How does a tropical vacation spot back in 1991 sound?_**"

Sonic blanked out as the world went white.

**_To be continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: "GREEN HILL!"_**


	3. Chapter 2: GREEN HILL!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Two_**

**_"GREEN HILL!"_**

_…19…91…? That… sounds familiar… What happened there again?_

**_You'll find oooooouuuuuuuuuut!_**

Sonic got up into a kneeling position, and put a hand to his aching head, "Maybe drinking one year early wasn't such a great idea after all…Damn hangover."

He looked around, eyeing the whit limbo that surrounded him. "What the…? What happened to the party? Did a blizzard hit? That whole place over there is covered in snow… Wait a second. That looks kinda familiar… What is that?!"

Sonic stared at the white structure for a second before jogging over to it, "Wait, wait… this can't be right… 1991? This place looks an awful lot like… The Green Hill Zone… Can it be?"

**_I think it's time you went back to see!_**

Sonic, convinced the voice in his head was a side effect from his hitting his head, decided to do just that.

…

Sonic was once again in the lush green hills of the Green Hill Zone, it's rolling slopes stretching out before him. He starts running, taking in the new (or old, depending on your point of view) world around him. He grabs a trail of rings out of habit.

"No way man, this is crazy! Everything was just all snowy a second ago! What is that about?"

He came to a bridge with four Badniks waiting for him there.

"Oh my god!" He hit the first three with Homing attacks out of reflex, and charged through the fourth with a boost of speed, "These robots… they… Okay, what the hell is going on? Is Eggman starting shit again cuz this is starting to freak me the fuck out!"

He dashed through some more slopes, hitting a few springs, and started grinding on some rails. "There is no way I could be back in Green Hill in the blink of an eye. It was on Mobius, not Earth!"

Leaving the rails behind he boosted through Badniks, and a huge loop, collecting rings as he went, "How'd I get here so fast? Eggman you must've _really_ fucked up this time!"

He boosted through the air to get across a wide gap, "Okay Sonic, keep it cool, keep it cool. Everything is gonna be alrigh- Uh-Oh, falling!"

Sonic missed a rail, and fell down a steep slope. He leapt over a gap in the trail which would have sent him into water, a BIG no-no, and boosted up a wooden slope to get some serious air.

"Boooooost! Okay, Jump & Shoot man, Jump & Shoot!"

He used Homing Attacks on a trail of Buzz Bombers to get back on the trail. "Ah there we go… Boost to win! Yeah!"

Sonic went through a wooden loop, and caught more serious air. He did a flip back onto the grassy trail, and boosted.

"Okay, everything's good again, everything's good. I just need to get to the bottom of whatever is going on here, no doubt it's Eggman's fault. And I'm kicking his ass for it!"

Sonic made a sharp turn, and hit a speed ramp to dive through a waterfall, "He ruined my birthday, _my twentieth FUCKING birthday!_ I can't imagine it getting any worse."

(**A/N: **Seriously Sonic? -_-' )

He ran through a tunnel he was lucky was on the other side of that waterfall, and came across more rails. He hops one when suddenly…

"…myah myah…?"

Sonic's quills stand up a little, "…What the hell was that? What _was_ that?"

"Blah Blah!" It's getting louder, louder means closer.

"Oh FAN-TASTIC!"

"BLAH BLAH!"

A HUGE mechanical fish the size of a whale starts chasing Sonic, jumping out of the water, and devouring the rail where Sonic was barely a second ago.

"Oh shit! Shit!" Sonic pants as the rail starts to slope upwards into a straight upward climb, the fish RIGHT BEHIND HIM! "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Sonic hits a few boost rings to send him high into the air, and even in the face of certain death he does a few tricks.

"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!" The fish opens wide as they start to descend, twin rows of sharp teeth clearly visible.

"AHHHHHHHHHH oh that was fun," Sonic lands on a trail as the fish comes short of him, landing back in the water. "Too bad he's dead now, shame."

Sonic took off again with a boost, "Now where's that stupid fatass? I'm gonna beat the shit outa him for ruining what could have been the best day of my life."

Sonic grinds a spirally shaped rail, "I was about to beat Tails's ass, drink some shots with Knux, take the girls out back, try one of tasty Cream's cupcakes, and kick the Chaotix out! _And Eggman had to fuck it all up!_"  
Sonic bashes a Crabmeat Badnik with a Homing Attack to take out some frustration, "The bastard! The Fatass! The stupid-ass-twine! He's not gonna hear the end of it from me!"

Sonic boosts through a corkscrew, catching some air to get over a hundred rings total stored in his quills.

"Get out of my way you stupid robots," Sonic boosts right through three Crabmeats. "This may be the last time your master sees the light of day! C'MON OUT FATASS!"

Sonic slides under two consecutive overhangs, and starts bashing Badniks on a bridge with Homin Attacks. "I'm Jump & Shooting your robots here! I'm calling you out you son of a bitch! YO! EGGMAN! If you can hear this, Showdown! At the end of Act 3 by the two floating platforms! Wrecking ball, 3:00 _sharp!_"

He boosts around some tight corners, and then right through the center of a loop with some major altitude.

"_I'M GONNA PULVERIZE YOUR STUPID ASS EGGHEAD!_ …Huh, that was weird. I sounded just like him for a second. Ooo, a Goal Ring!"

Sonic boosted through Badniks, and grabbed the gigantic ring.

…

In an instant he was transported back to the white limbo, just outside the structure to Green Hill.

Sonic put his hands on his hips, "Maybe something _interesting_ will happen now."

The bottom of the structure started to glow with a strange light, and creeped up it, returning the normal colors to Green Hill.

"…Or maybe green Hill will say "Go fuck yourself," and start coloring itself in like a coloring book! God, can this day get _any worse?!_"

(**A/N:** Okidoke! J )

Another shimmering light caught Sonic's attention, and he saw…

"Oh no…" _Anyone but… __**him…**_

Tails was freed from his statue like stasis, and crying because he was so happy to be freed.

"Oh Sonic, I was so scared… I felt like I was gonna die, but then you came." He shuddered, "How can I ever repay you?"

Sonic crossed his arms, "Maybe you can _not_ invite the Chaotix next time, ya dipwad!"

"Sorry…" Tails hung his head.

A thought crossed Sonic's mind, "Hey Tails, does that look at all like Green Hill at all to you?" He gestures behind him where the gates to Green Hill are still missing about half their color.

Tail looks, "Green Hill? …Looks more like someone jizzed all over Emerald Hill, and only cleaned half of it up. That's not the way you do it, heh!"

"Does everything you say gotta be a semen joke? Whatever, the point is Something's not right with this place. Something isn't normal."

Tails nods in agreement. Then he looks to his left, and points, "I saw some place over there that looked just as crappy as Emerald Hill."

"Green Hill."

"Whatever."

"Well, I guess I better go check it out then. BRB, foggot!"

Tails sighed as Sonic took off to investigate the next location. He failed to notice Classic Sonic running up behind him.

"Oh, I love that little run of his… With that cute butt, and every- OH GOD, DON'T DO THAT!"

Tails presses a hand to his heart as he looks wide eyed at Classic Sonic, not being able to tell the difference. "You didn't hear a word at all, right?"

"Yeah sure," Classic said sarcastically. "…Faggot."

As Classic ran off, Tails thought, _Someday your butt will be mine Sonic… Someday…_

**_To be continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: Beware the Purple Piss!_**


	4. Chapter 3: Beware the Purple Piss!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Three _**

**_Chemical Plant (Part 1)_**

**_"Beware the Purple Piss!"_**

Classic Sonic looked over his shoulder as he left Green Hill behind, "Don't know what _that_ weirdo's deal was."

He paused out front of a second familiar structure, "Wait a second… is this… AHA! I totally called it! Robuttnik you butt-muncher you _did_ build another Chemical Plant! You know what that means…"

…

Inside the Chemical Plant, Classic Sonic grabbed a trio of rings, "It's go time! When I find you you're getting your butt kicked. Y'hear that Robuttnik?!"

Classic rolled into a spin to ride over some purple tubes. "When I find you it'll be the most painful butt-kicking you ever got! I think I'll call it… "Butt Licking!" Y'know, like when you beat the snot out of someone?"

He spun through two loops, snagging a trail of rings in each before riding down another pipe, "But enough of that!" He popped the top off a tube, and his voice echoed as he jumps inside, "Time to ride the tube, woohoo! Yeah!"

He popped out of the tube, and landed on a spring that closed it behind him, "Just like the old Chemical Plant… brings back memories…"

He jumped over a trail of blue stuff that shot from the ground, and was pulled out of his memories by a Badnik in his path.

"Hey you!" He bounced on top of it, "You're dead now!" He came across some boxes that moved to make stairs.

"Ah yes, the annoying memories of annoying platforming ." He hopped up the boxes, and came face to face with another Badnik that tried to shoot him with an energy ball.

"Nice try Butt-Muncher!" He dodged the attack, and landed on top of the robot. "Now I think it's time for some moves!"

He Spin Dashed across the top of a tube into a loop the loop, grabbing rings as he goes. "Whoa!"

He paused for a split second on the edge of a slope before dashing down it in another spin, "For a Plant that's hazardous to the environment Robuttnik sure made it fun to run around in. Until I fall in that purple piss of his, better stay away from that. Better stay away from those blue bubbles too, I don't like the smell of those."

Another Badnik tries to hit him, and he Spin Dashed through it, "And I don't like the look of _you_, robot! You, or your Chemical Plant Butt-Whore pals aren't stopping me today Robuttnik! Nothing will! Not your Blue Bubbles, or your Purple Piss, or your robots, or your Red Spiked Poo…Maybe you tubes will cuz they're so fun to ride around in, and therefore stall for time."

His voice echoed as he jumped into one of the aforementioned tubes, "But once that's done I'm on your ass once again! …Okay, that came out wrong."

He popped out of the tube, and destroyed two boxes of ring, "Ah that was fun." He checked his ring count: 55

"That should be enough rings to keep me stable! Now what's next? Going down… Whoa, wait! Oh crap, Falling! Piss!"

He fell in the purple chemicals.

_Egh, aw great… I fell in the purple piss… uuuuuggh…_

Classic hit a button that let him go deeper into the stage, and rolled down the top of another tube.

_Ew, how can a man piss this much purple? Is that even human?! Jesus Christ get me out of this-_

He hit a spinner that shot him up a slope, and into fresh air, "Disgusting toilet of a factory! I know you're here Pissy Pants, why else would you go through the trouble of building this place, and bringing me here?!"

He hit another spinner that sent him running up a hig wall, and across the ceiling over a ridiculously long strip of spikes.

"Look, I'm breaking your boxes, I'm spinning in your loops, I'm gonna spin your sign! There I go!"

He spun the sign at the end of the stage, still taunting the scientist who was nowhere to be found. "Ya mad Robuttnik?! I bet you are! …Okay, seriously, _WHERE ARE YOU?!"_

…

Back at Green Hill Tails was in the tornado, "Hey Sonic, I'll race you through Emerald Hill! What do ya say?"

(BGM: Super Sonic Racing)

Sonic used a Homing Attack to bounce off a spring, "I say you're still an idiot for calling it Emerald hill, and not Green Hill!"

"What? I can't hear you, the plane's too loud!"

"Well no shit!" Sonic bounced off Badniks, and then hit a series of springs that sent in onto a rail. "Well if he wants a race I'll give him one!"

He bounced off a trail of Buzz Bombers, and landed on another Rail, "Ha, boom baby. Ah! Whoa! There's something new, spikes on rails?"

He came to more Buzz Bombers, "Get outa my way buzzkill! I don't have time for you, yellow, or blue! I gotta beat that faggot to the finish line!"

He hit more springs, "Even if it _is_ Tails, I'm not taking the loser ring. Time to BOOST TO WIN!"

He hit the ground with a boost, and rammed into more Badniks. He then ran face first into a low overhang.

"Oh! Well shit, who put something like that there?" He slid under it, "Here we go, back on track! BOOST TO WIN!"

He hit two rings which put him over another bridge. He jumped over two boxes, and used Homing Attacks on the Badniks there.

"Buh-bye! Piss off! Fuck you! Good day sir! Hey hey! Go fuck yourself! BOOST TO WIN!" He laughed to himself as he took off once again, boosting through a loop.

He wound through a winding trail singing to himself as he leapt through some Boost Hoops to stand on top of a Loop. A Badnik tried to sneak up on him, which he promptly crushed with a Homing Attack.

"GET OUTA HERE! Now how's Tails doin'? …I think I see him in the distance… YO TAILS, YOU SUCK!"

"whaaat?"

"I SAID YOU SUCK FUCK DICK! C'MON, STEP IT UP!"

"i can't hear you over the loud background music!"

"…WELL SCREW YOU THEN, YOU _ARE_ SLOW AS SHIT! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE AS FAST AS MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS!"

Sonic turned, and hit a spring, "Well that one wasn't very good, I got a lot of other potty jokes can pull out of my ass anyways."

(**A/N:** Cue the rimshot, and the Trolling face! xD)

Sonic boosted while singing, "When you're Super Sonic Racing, there's no time to eff around! When you're Super Sonic Racing, you're at the point of no return! When you're Super- ohoHO! What have we here?"

Sonic ran up to where the Goal Ring waited, and turned to call back, "Yo Tails! I'm at the Goal Ring!"

"…Suck a dick! … Preferably mine!"

"Nah, I think I'll just win now, HA!"

Then Sonic tagged the Goal Ring.

(End BGM)

**_To be Continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: "Black Magic, and Whores"_**


	5. Chapter 4: Black Magic, and Whores!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Four_**

**_Chemical Plant (Part 2)_**

**_"Black Magic, and Whores"_**

Back in Chemical Plant Classic Sonic was accompanied by Classic Tails. "C'mon Sonic, adventure awaits!" Then Tails vanished in a puff of black smoke.

"Right! AH! Tails, where'd you go?!" Classic looked around, "Buddy…? Where are you…? Dude…? Dude?! Come back! Let's get going man, I'm freaking out!"

"Heya!" Tails appeared over him in another buff of smoke.

"Oh, there you are," he sounded relieved. He tried jumping up to him, but Tails vanished again, and Classic hit a spring.

"Wah! What the hell?! Tails!"

"You rang?" Tails appeared again.

"Yes I just wanted to ask-"

Tails disappeared.

"_What the hell is that black magic you're using?!"_

"Perhaps I can provide an explanation," a robotic voice said in a British accent.

"Who the hell was that?"

Tails appeared again for a second, "Hi Sonic!"

"Come," the robotic voice said. "I have a story to tell you!"

Sonic started running in the direction of the voice, "Okay, who is that?"

From on top of a crate a small robot comes to life, "It is I, Omachao."

"Who?"

"Dr. Egg made me to annoy you with consecutive facts that don't serve any purpose whatsoever."

"You're one of Robuttnik's dumbots? What the hell did you do to my friend?!"

"Oh I don't know, I just assumed he gained psychic powers or some shit."

"Why you little-!"

"Hiya!" Tails appeared over Classic, and took him by the hands. They flew together over a long trial of spikes.

"Oh Tails, there you are." Sonic was carerful not to let his feet touch the spikes.

Tails laughed to himself, "I'm gonna fly you, WHEEEE!"

Sonic looked up at him, "Wait, wha?"

Omachao flew around them, "Yes, that's cool and all, but can you support the fluffy one's weight?"

Sonic snapped his head around to glare at the pest, "Are you calling me fat?!"

Sonic slipped from Tails's grip, "SONIC!"

"Whoa!" It was a short fall so he was okay. He looked up, "Tails? Ah dammit…"

He stood on top of a box, and just barely avoided being shot by a Badnik, "Whoa!"

Tails appeared, and took Sonic by the arms again, "Sonic, I'm sowwy!"

"Took ya long enough," Sonic remarks as they fly between platform housing Badniks. One form behind them hits them with an energy ball.

"Ah!"

"Owie!" Tails loses a bit of altitude as rings go flying.

"Dammit," Sonic groaned.

"We're losing power!"

Sonic looked up, "Don't you give on me _now_ you son of a bitch!"

"Okay…" Tails managed to get them up to the next platform, and vanished as soon as Sonic was on the ground.

"More like it," he said as he hit a spring that brought him up to the next level. A Badnik tried to shoot him, but he Spin Dashed it first. "Yeah, whatever, you're dead now."

Tails appeared again, and they took off. "Okay Tails, careful flying me through here, the Spikes are every- AAHHHHHH!"

Once again he had slipped from his grip, and landed on a bed of spikes. Tails vanished as Sonic got to safety.

"I'm so sowwy," tails said when he appeared again. They tried again with the same results.

"OW! SON OF A BITCH!"

"My fingers slipped."

"Bull-shit!"

"I'm ready this time, I pwomise."

"You better be," Sonic said as he took Tails by the hands. "For Christ's sakes Tails, what the hell's wrong with you today?"

"I dunno, guess I didn't get enough sweep."

"Well you're not taking a break now, we got work to do!"

"Aww…"

They maneuvered in silence for a while, dodging around Badniks, spike balls, and through the narrow pathways of Chemical Plant. Soon Tails dropped him on a spring that sent him into the next, and final sector.

Tails vanished as soon as Sonic let go.

"Okay, I don't know what's with the black magic, but it's starting to creep me out."

He hopped up a box stairway, "Okay, how far do we have- oh…" It was pretty far. He looked over the edge, "Looks like a long way down… Tails, you know what to do."

Tails appeared, "Let's fweakn' do dis!" He took Sonic by the arms, and took off.

"Whoa, okay dude, whatever you do don't drop me…"

"I know, we done did a miwion time aweady. Remember Marble Garden?"

"Ugh, don't remind me!"

"Remember dose spinning tops?"

"Remember those spike balls on chains?"

"Dat was terrible man!" They come up to a platform with rings, "We takn' a break?"

"Yeah hold on a sec…" Sonic collected the six rings, "Okay, break's over!"

Tails whined as he took Sonic's arms again.

"Quit your bellyaching," Sonic snapped. "These are horrible memories of Marble Garden afoot!"

"Not as horrible as Ice Cap."

"Dude, I loved Ice Cap!"

"I didn't."

"DUDE!"

"I'm sowwy!"

They carefully maneuvered around platform bound Badniks, and moving Spike Balls. The Badniks are all chattering at them as they fly by.

"What do they want from us," Sonic wondered aloud.

"I'm afwaid dat dey gonna eat us if we's get too cwose…"

"Or worse, they're gonna rape us."

Tails whimpered, and Sonic could feel his grip shaking in his arms.

"Just don't think about it," Sonic suggests. "They're gone now."

Tails lets out a sigh of relief.

Sonic perks up, "Hey, I see a sign up ahead!"

"Spin in! Spin it good!"

"So I shall!" They both laugh as Classic Sonic spins the sign, and they make their getaway.

…

"There we are," Classic Sonic dusted his hands off as he exited the Chemical Plant. A shimmer caught his eye, "Hey, what's that over there?"

Amy Rose was freed from her stasis, and looked herself over with a twirl.

_Whoa… She's kinda cute!_

Amy turned to Classic, "You're my hero Sonic! As a reward you want me to bake you a cake or something? No wait, I have a better idea… If you know what I mean…"

_Um… This girl I just met isn't asking me to do what I think she asking, is she?_

"We could order a pizza if you want," she suggested. "Maybe watch a movie together?"

"Oh is that all," Classic sighed inwardly with relief.

"And then we can have sex afterwards if you want."

_"WAH?!"_

**_To be Continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: Blue Baby Gravy, and Boyfriend's Revenge_**


	6. Chapter 5: BBG, and BF's Revenge!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Four_**

**_Chemical Plant (Part 3)_**

**_"Blue Baby Gravy, and Boyfriend's Revenge"_**

Modern Sonic had finally made it inside the Chemical Plant.

"Alright, time to investigate! Huh, this place is giving me a Déjà vu vibe all of a sudden, as if I've been here before. Have I?"

Sonic boosted off a ramp, and into the air to jump through some boost hoops, "Huh… All I know is that this place is fun to run around in!"

Sonic boosted through some chattering Badniks, "Yeah yeah, shut up. I don't have time for crackpots like you."

He shot up another ramp, doing some tricks, "I think it's time for a shortcut!" He grabbed a hanging crane hook, and swung off it, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
Sadly… "Aww… Why'd the ride have to end," Sonic pouted as he ran.

Something ahead caught his attention, "Oh hi bombs, it'll probably hurt if I hit you, bye!" He dashed between them, snagging rings as he went. He rolled into a ball, and spun across the top of some winding tubes. He then skidded across the top of some purple chemicals, and dodged some blue bubbles.

"Wait a minute! I know what that was… and I know what _that_ was! And you guys screw off!" Sonic bashed two more Badniks.

"It seems you've finally recognized Dr. Man's Purple Lemonade, and Blue Baby Gravy."

"Omachoa?" Sonic looked up at the tiny robot, "Hey buddy, what's up?"

"Dr. Man had me come out to annoy you."

"So Eggman's behind this? No surprise there."

"Maybe, good day old chap!"

"The hell you going?" Sonic boosted up a tube, "Ah whatever, he's gone now. He's a robot anyways."

Sonic launched into the air, and bashed a spider bot with a Homing Attack, "All he really does is give me information that never goes anywhere."

A Badnik tries to shoot him, but barely misses as Sonic hops onto some moving boxes.

"Hey I see what you did there! Yeah, you better stay away before I go Bruce Lee on your ass!" Sonic boosted through the air to drop into a shaft. He took off again, launched off a ramp to land in a tube with flowing water.

"OH MY GOD THIS IS FUN! THIS IS FUN! WHOOHOO, OH YEAH! Awww…"

Omachao showed up as the pipe shot Sonic into a skydive where he had to dodge blue bubbles, "Did you enjoy the water slide?"

"No, it ended!"

"Silly moron the ride never ends! Look out bellow for Dr. Man's semen!"

"Yeah thanks for that," Sonic reached the bottom, and took off again. "I can navigate this place just fine without his help because I'm- OH GOOD LORD!"

Sonic slid down a ramp, and (much against his will) fell into the chemicals.

"You were saying?"

_Great… fell in the Purple Piss…What next?_

"Did you know that Dr. Man had extra fruit, and vegetables to make this urine coluor?"

_Ugh, TMI! _

"I'm going to leave again, bye!"

_I gotta get out of here._

Sonic swallowed a bubble to fill up on air.

_That always feels weird. Wait, did I get swallow a piss bubble?! EW! EWWW! _

Sonic boosted out of the chemicals, and was back on track while trying to cough a lung out, "Ugh… I'm gonna make sure that never happens again!"

Sonic distracted himself by boosting through loops, "Sure is weird for Eggman to rebuild the exact same Chemical Plant I visited almost nineteen years ago… Not in technical years, that'd be more like… eight… I don't know where I'm going with this."

The interesting part is how Sonic was mumbling all this to himself while bashing bots, and going through all kinds of obstacles.

"The point is Eggman's responsible for all this. First he kidnapped my friends with that new monster of his, and sent me back to Green Hill. And now he's rebuilt the exact same Chemical Plant from 19 years agoooo-okay, problem solved!"

Sonic swung on another crane hook, watching the plant explode, and catch fire underneath him.

"Did I seriously do all this just now…? The whole Plant's on fire!"

He's launched into the air, and comes straight down on a rail, "Huh, I guess I'm even more awesome than I thought I was. I even nailed a rail! Heh, "nailed a rail". That's a good one. Sonic the Hedgehog you have outdone yourself again! Oh nice, Goal Ring!"

Sonic snagged the ring, "That tell me that I've done something productive today, like blow shit up."

_Oh, I knew I shouldn't have challenged him to that race. _Tails was flying through the remains of Chemical plant, looking for hi blue buddy.

"Oh thank god, there you are," Tails waved.

"Oh hey buddy, you missed the B.B.B.E." Sonic ran up to him.

(A/N: Note to self, ask TheMapleSyrupShow what that stands for…Unless someone would be nice enough to explain in a Review. O.o)

Tails looked around, "Well this place looks… awfully familiar."

"You know it," Sonic nodded.

"No doubt we're in Genocide City."

"Chemical Plant, R-Tard! See that Purple Piss over there?! Yeah, Chemical Plant!"

"You don't have to yell," Tails whined.

"I'm sorry Tails, but jeez! Green Hill was acceptable because we didn't meet there, but this place… This was our first adventure together dude!"

Tails whined like the little bitch the fanbase makes him out to be.

Modern Sonic walked out of Chemical Plant while tails went to find a corner to sulk in.

"And there goes Chemical plant getting its Crayola on! Wait… What's that over there?"

"Sooooonic!"

"Ugh! Amy, how many times do I have to tell you? The courts said you gotta stay five feet away from me!"

"But I _am _five feet away," Amy protested as she skipped up to him.

"Dammit Amy!"

"Look, now _you're _a foot away!"

Sonic growled in frustration while Amy giggled. "So did my prince have fun earlier?"

"The hell you talking about woman?"

"Oh you know…"

"Uh, no, I don't."

"You know, how we did a little bit of this, and a little bit of that? I made you scream really loud, and I discovered you have a rape fetish?"

Sonic facepalmed, "What the fuck Amy? The fuck?"

"Aw c'mon Sonic, you just ran by here ten minutes ago."

"But I just got here Amy, I haven't seen you since the party, and even there I wouldn't have touched you!"

"Then who was I messing around with, huh?"

Back inside Chemical Plant Classic Sonic was more than a little freaked out.

"So that was sex, huh?"

_"YOU WHORE!"_

"What the-?!" Classic looked over his shoulder, "Metal?!

_"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU WHORE!"_ Metal Sonic destroyed the track Sonic was running on with a Maximum Overdrive attack. Sonic hopped along the debris, trying to get back up to the track.

"What'd I do?!"

_"YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND- OW!"_ Sonic bounced off Metal Sonic as he tried to barrel into him, and made it back onto safe ground.

"Wait, _that girl?!_"

Metal Sonic shook his head to clear it, _"YOU BITCH, AMY ROSE IS SONIC'S GIRLFRIEND- AMY ROSE IS MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU WHORE!"_

Sonic jumped as Metal tried to bash into him again, "Wait, _that_ was Amy? What happened to her, she got freaking hot!"

_"I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STICK MY METALIC ROD INTO HER FLESHY SLOT- YOU BITCH!"_

Metal tried to charge Sonic from behind with a smaller Overdrive attack, but Sonic jumped, and hit him from above.

Metal smoked a bit as he skidded across the ground at high speed, _"I'm okay, I'm cool now, I'm cool… NOT REALLY!"_

"Why are you so hyped up, Metal?!"

(A/N: Hyper Metal Sonic, LOLZ! XD)

_"DADDY GAVE ME A RED BULL! I'M FUCKING POWERED BY RED BULL!"_

Metal tried to use a maximum Overdrive attack, but Sonic jumped into him, bashing him back into the track.

_"OW! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!"_

"You're the one trying to kill me, I'm just using self-defense!"

_"EAT SHIT YOU CUNT-MUNCHING FUCKTARD!"_

"You watch your mouth!"

_"I DON'T HAVE A MOUTH!"_

Metal Sonic started knocking boxes onto the track.

"Ow!"

_"YEAH YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU WHORE?!"_

"I'm gonna fucking hit you, you ugly piece of garbage!"

_"UGLY?!"_

Metal Sonic got in Sonic's way again, and got pimp slapped… actually he just bounced on, and bashed into the track.

_"OW! YOU WORTHLESS WHORE!I'LL FUCKING FUCK YOU UP, WHORE!"_

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try- um…" Sonic looked around, feeling a bit weary, "Metal?"

_"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR E!"_

Metal Sonic charged Sonic from behind with a massive aura of energy.

"OH MY GOD," it was all Classic could do to run away.

"Hi, Omachao here! Is this a good time?"

"NO!"

"Okay, bye then!"

"WWHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?!

_"AMY ROSE IS MINE!"_

Sonic screamed as he ran from his impending doom, and jumped just as the energy around Metal Sonic faded. Metal Sonic went sailing right under Sonic.

_"FUCK!"_

"Out of juice?!"

"Now go," Omachao said. "And take his wallet!"

"Get over here!" Sonic bashed into Metal Sonic one last time, and Metal bounced on the track.

_"I'M THE REAL SONIC, AND YOU FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND!"_

Sonic kicked Metal Sonic hard in the face, sending him flying, "Burn in Hell!"

Metal Sonic exploded, _"AH! IT BURNS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"_

Sonic picked up a Chaos Emerald that flew out of the explosion, "That'll teach him to play copycat with me, thinking he's the real Sonic. I oughta file a copyright strike for trying to use my image without my authorization! But then again where the fun of beating the snot out of him? …Or in this case oil."

_"I'M ALERGIC TO OIL!"_

"You're dead, remember?"

_"Oh-ho yeah," _Metal Sonic laughed.

Sonic moved on again through a side door in the Chemical Plant. He went to the next structure, "Oh no… Not this hellhole again. Robuttnik, why do you gotta choose the annoying places?!" With a sigh Classic Sonic ran into Sky Sanctuary.

**_To be Continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: Friends in the Sky Sanctuary_**


	7. Chapter 6: Friends in the Sky Sanctuary!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Six_**

**_"Friends in the Sky Sanctuary"_**

Modern Sonic sighed to himself as he stood outside the front of his next destination.

"Now this place… Sky Sanctuary… Why is he bringing me _here_ now?"

Then something caught his eye, " Is that Knux over there? Hey Knux!"

The now familiar shimmer surrounded Knuckles the Echidna as he was freed. "Huh?" He blinked, and then flexed his fists.

"I'm alive…? Yeah Nigga! Yeah!"

Knuckles pumped a fist before facing Sonic again, "Yo thanks a lot dawg, I thought I was gonna die or some shit! Though I coulda gotten outta that magic trick myself, y'know?"

Sonic gave him a flat look, "Yeeeaah- no."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

Knuckles puts a hand to his head, "Ow, okay let's stop arguing, I have a headache. Too much booze at the party…"

Sonic shrugged, "Fine, I'll just go ruin your Sky Sanctuary then!"

Knuckles glared at him, "Oh I swear to God you better not!"

"I'm gonna do it!"

"No you're not!"

"I'm gonna do it!"

"No you're not!"

"Just watch me!" Sonic shot him a thumbs-up.

Knuckles crossed his arms, "No!"

"Yep!"

"No!"

"Yep!"

"No!"

"Yeeeaah- Nope!" Sonic crossed his arms.

Knuckles put his fists on his hips, "Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yep!"

"Nope!"

"Yep, and you're not gonna stop me!"

Sonic uncrossed his arms, "Let me save you the trouble."

Knuckles smiled, " 'Kay thanks!"

"JK LOL bye!"

Sonic took off into Skay Sanctuary, and it took a full three seconds for Knuckles to realize what happened.

"Wait a minute! Get back here! Ow, fuck it, this headache is killing me… I can always kill him in his sleep anyways…"

…

"WOOOOOOO! EXTREEEEEEEME!"

Sonic was having the time of his life grinding down a long rail, and through a Boot Hoop inside Sky Sanctuary. Too bad not everyone shared his enthusiasm. In another part of the stage Classic Sonic was having a bit of a hard time.

"Bad memories kicking in…" He was so busy looking around for falling stuff that he didn't even notice-

"Do you wanna be friends?" A flying Egg Robo was right in front of him, and shot Classic with a laser.

"OW!"

"Is that a yes?"

"Not anymore!" Classic bounced off the robot before continuing.

Modern Sonic was doing tricks as he sailed through the air, having way too good a time. So what did TheMapleSyrupShow do?

"Holler!" Omachao waved as he kept pace with Sonic's running.

"Oh what do you want?"

"I just wanted to share some more interesting tips."

"Omachao, they're not useful, they're not tips."

"That's the idea! Did you know there are three Master Emeralds hidden in this stage?"

"_Three_ Master Emeralds?"

"Sorry, I meant seven."

Classic Sonic was doing a little better as he made progress, "Oh these clods are so fluffy, aren't they just awesome?"

He hit a spring to gain speed.

Modern Sonic was making some progress of his own.

"Wanna be friends?"

"Nope! HA!" Sonic smashed two Robos.

Classic Sonic paled as he was sent up in the air through a tower to where two Robos were waiting.

"Oh no… Two of them…"

"Wanna be friends with my friend," one of them asked, and the other shot at Classic. Classic barley ducked under the laser.

"NO! Nice aim there, Moran!" Sonic bashed into the first bot.

"You just killed my friend!"

"And I killed you!"

Sonic hit a spring muttering, "Good riddance I say."

Classic used a rising bar to go up, and found another Robo.

"Hey buddy!"

"I'm not your buddy, pal!"

(A/N: Shadow reference for the win!)

Sonic bashed the bot, and grabbed another bar. Due to some plothole/game-glitch the Robo respawned right where Sonic had killed him.

"What the hell?!"

"Now that wasn't very nice…"

"EXTREEEEEEEEEMME!"

Modern Sonic drifted down a winding trail to speed out of a tower.

Classic had managed to get away from the Robo, "Something tells me I haven't seen the last of those guys…"

"Be my friend!"

"Yeah I was right." Classic muttered as he bashed another bot.

"JUMP SCARE!'

"WHOA!"

A wall exploded in front of Classic, and a Robo came out before shooting him. Sonic landed on his back as rings scattered.

"Now wasn't that funny," the Robo chortled.

"NO! Some friend you are," Sonic spinned right under the robot, "You don't even know that I hate Jump Scares!"

Sonic used a tower to get away. He bounced across the higher platforms until, "Friend invite!"

"Denied!" Sonic bounced off the bot, and landed on a red orb. It started glowing, and spinning him around.

"Wh- wuh- oh my god! What the heck?! Whoa!"

Sonic was suddenly sent upwards to higher platforms, "Where am I…? Oh I see, progress."

"Be our frien-"

"Be your guest?" Modern Sonic bashed into a bunch of bot with Homing Attacks, "Nope! Sorry! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Then Modern Sonic hit an orb too, "Wait wha- WHOA! Oh I see, progress… wait a minute…"

"NO I DON'T WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND!"

Classic was losing it as he bashed another bot, "You fucking robots can't get that through your thick circutboards?!"

Then Sonic got an Invincibility powerup, "Oh, you're all fucked now! You're all gonna die for being so goddamn annoying!"

Classic landed on a flying Spinning Top, and started running, "Ah not this shit… terrible memories of Marble Garden kicking in… Wait, is this thing falling apart?!"

Indeed it was.

"Crap! Shit!" Classic jumped off of it, and found that it put itself back together when he did for some reason.

He hopped back on, "There goes my invincibility, thanks a lot Marble Garden Top, you've done one hell of a job of making my life easier!"

Modern Sonic stopped to collect a few rings, "Huh, after all that mayhem I woulda thought that would've destroyed this place by now."

As Sonic grinded a rail some of the floating towers started to crumble, and drop.

"Spoke too soon…"

"Friend?"

"Nope! Don-davy-I!"

Modern smashed more bots, and hit a series of Springs that took him higher into a huge tower, "Now what bullshit adventures await us up here- uh oh."

The tower was falling apart, and Omachao popped up, "You in trouble now dawg, that anteater's gonna be mad!"

"He mad bro?" Sonic laughed

Classic Sonic had made some serious progress with that second hand Rent-A-Top.

"Well that wasn't so bad."

He finally made it to a point where he could ditch his ride to make some progress on foot. He came to a series of boxes blocking his path, and he spinned right through them. Unfortunatly he hit a wall right afterwards.

"OW THAT FUCKING HURT! But I'm okay… kind… sort of… I might have a couple of deep cuts, but nothing too serious… I hope…"

He bounces around a few clouds to an archway, "Better be the last of those stupid Morans- OH GEEZ!"

A wall busted open, and Sonic bashed the Robo.

"Everywhere I go everyone is trying to Friend me, it's so- OOWWWW!"

(A/N: Do I sense a dig Facebook mayhaps?)

Classic limped a bit as he hopped platforms, "Ow! …ow! …ow!"

Then he got a powerup, "All better!" He ran up a wall, and across a ceiling until…

"Ow!OW! OWWWWW! I'm so sick, and tired of getting hurt!"

A Robo appeared, "Hey, I just wanna apologize for earlier."

"You can also apologize for being so stupid, and obnoxious!" Sonic killed the bot, and dived into a sting of rings.

"Wait…"

"Excuse me," a Robo tried.

"Not now!"

"Alright…" Sonic killed this one too.

Sonic ran his hands through his quills as he ran, "There was one more horrible memory about this place that I'm forgetting…"

"Did you figure it out yet," Omachao asked.  
"Oh god!" Sonic looked around with wide eyes as the stage started rumbling, "This place is falling apart!"

"Rightomundo!"

"Do you need something?!"

"Nope, bye!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Classic Sonic continued to scream as he approached the end of the stage, and flipped the sign.

Modern Sonic looked behind him at the sound of somebody screaming.

"…Who the hell was that? …Ah whatever, TIME TO ROLL!"

Sonic boosted up a spiraling stone path which he could feel coming apart from under him, "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

He hit a spring, and a zipline at breakneck speed, "HOLY CRAP AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH that was fun."

He hit the Goal Ring, and was instantly sent back to the white voide to see Sky Sanctuary getting its Crayola on.

"Well Sonic you've done it again! Another area conquered, and Knuckles has been trolled! Beeeeeeeautiful! I think I deserve a little reward. Dare I say… Pinball?"

**_To be continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: Pinball in da 'Hood!_**


	8. Chapter 7: Pinball in da 'Hood!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Six_**

**_Pinball in da 'Hood!_**

Classic Sonic met up with Classic Tails outside the Green Hill Zone, "Tails… I'm gonna admit… being a hero isn't that easy."

Tails sighed, "Hey Sonic, Knuckles said he had a bone to pick with you for some reason."

"What did I do to piss him off now? Didn't we get along after all that Angel Island crap?"

"I guess not."

Sonic groaned, "Fine, where is he?"

"He stormed off into Mushroom Hill."

"Green Hill."

"Shut up."

"Well what does he want," Sonic crossed his arms.

"I don't know, but he mugged me for 40 rings, he said I owed him."

Sonic groaned again, and threw his hand in the air, "Can't he just go to Casino Night Zone, and get 40 rings there? It's not even that hard!"

"Well he's still waiting in there for you for some reason, he didn't bother to tell me why."

"May as well go see what crawled up his ass then."

"If you need me I'll be at the Casino Night Zone!"

"Good luck, I hear that place is rigged."

…

At the aforementioned Casino Night Zone was our older Blue Blur looking down on a massive Pinball machine.

"Oh boy, I love me some good old pinball! Let's do this!"

Sonic wiped his nose before flipping into the game, "I'm gonna go for the high score, whatever the high score is! I don't know, maybe I'LL be the high score! Maybe this is the first time anyone's ever played this table. It is a Sonic Generations Table so that must mean it's brand new!

"Wait, Sonic Generations? What the hell is this? Ah whatever, time to play some more pinball! Let's go over the top! Let's go over 9,000 points! I'm gonna be the number one champ at this table! I'm gonna be the _only_ champ at this table!

"Thirty, thirty, thirty! I'm getting thirty points every time I just do something! Man I just love this game, I'm never gonna get tired of it! This is so much fun! YEAH!

"…Okay, now I'm bored."

…

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Do you realize what you did?!"

Classic Sonic facepalmed as he followed Knuckles through the Green Hill Zone, "Knuckles, I don't know what I did to offend you, but I'm sorry."

"Aw no, you messed up my Sky Sanctuary! YOU GONNA GET IT DAWG! YOU GONNA GET IT!"

"Sky Sanctuary? Oh no Knuckles, I'm sorry about that, I really am!"

"Just stay away from me!" Knuckle growled as his stormed through Green Hill, and punched a Badnik.

"Look dude I'm sorry, okay? Stuff happens, I didn't mean to do that!"

"It's too late, the damage is done. 'Scuse me nigga." Knuckles backhanded a Badnik the size of a bus, and it went flying.

Sonic blinked, "Where'd you learn that move?"

"From my niggas you nigger!"

"Gee it sure is racist around here," Omachao said.

"I'll say," Sonic agreed.

Knuckles sighed, "Man, you hurt my feelings… Do you know just how much that Sky Sanctuary means to me?"

"Actually no," Sonic admitted. "I never did get a full explanation of that sanctuary mumbo jumbo crap."

Man, I had to buy that shit off Amazon for 599!"

"You bought all that… off of Amazon… for just 599 rings?!"

"Naw, 599 G, man!"

"G Man? What the hell's a G Man?"

Omachao cleared his throat, "In the game tabloids-"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU shut up," Knuckles barked at Sonic, thinking he was talking to him.

"Dude, just go to Casino night, and get more rings! It's not that hard!"

"It's gone now though, it's all gone!" Knuckles wiped away a tear, "You such a nigger Sonic!"

"Why are you using that word?!"

"Dawg I've been using that word since I was thirteen years young!"

"But… you are thirteen… aren't you?" Sonic raised an eyebrow.

"No dawg , I'm twenty-one, remember? We were gonna bring in the keg so you could get some intake a year beforehand dawg!"

"Alcohol?! That stuff is no good!"

"Ha ha, queer."

"What?1"

"You're a queeeeeeer!"

"Fine, go drink your beer then!"

"Maybe I will, it's my best box anyways."

Sonic shook his head sadly, "What happened to you man?"

"Shit went down in the 'Hood!"

"You've changed… You've changed a lot…" Sonic turned, and started walking off. Knuckles raised an eyebrow.

"Where you going?"

"Away from your stupid drunken ass!" Sonic started running.

Knuckles scratched the back of his head, "…Is this because I fucked yo girlfriend?"

"_WHORE!"_

"Dead," Sonic deadpanned. "Remember?"

_"DAMMIT!_" Metal Sonic went back to being dead as Sonic left the Green Hill Zone.

…

Modern Sonic stormed out of the Casino Night Zone, "Well that officially sucked!"

He stomped through the white void until he was stopped by a wall of some kind of energy. Beside him was some kind of gate. Suddenly three big keys appeared, and unlocked it.

"Whoa what the heck is this thing, and what's with the keys? Where did I get those? What the- what is this?!"

Sonic took a step back as the gate started to open, "What's going on?! What is this thing? …A portal? Do I go inside?"

Then he took a running stance, "Wait, maybe Eggman's in there! Aw that son of a bitch, I'm gonna kick his ass! I'm coming for you, you party-crashing douche bag!"

Sonic leapt through the portal.

…

Modern Sonic groaned as he walked through a dark room with a large mirror on his right.

"Great, I stepped into another Twilight Zone episode…"

He glanced at his reflection, and stopped when he realized it looked like a younger version of him.

"Uuuhh, what the-? Am I seeing this?"

He smoothed back his quills, "Boy I look like crap."

He pulled back him lips to look at his teeth, "Oh great, I got some cabbage stuck in there."

He patted his belly, "Mm-mm! That's some good cabbage!"

Sonic frowned, and crossed his arms. _This magic mirror sucks!_ He leaned forward, and knocked on it along with his reflection, "Hmmm…"

"YOU GODDAMN RAT!"

Sonic's head snapped to a glowing gate at the end of the room, "Aha! So you _are _here fatass! Put 'em up!"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU CABBAGE EATING FUCK RAT! YOU PIECE OF CRAP OF A MAGIC MIRROR!"

Modern Sonic looked bored, and put a hand on his hips as Classic Sonic took off on the other side of the "mirror."

"Chow time!"

"What the-?! What? What? Clone of me?! Hey, Clone, wait up!"

Classic hopped right through the gate. Modern Tried to follow a second later, but it slammed shut in his face when he tried to hop through.

"REJECTED!"

Sonic fell back on his butt, and jumped to his feet while shaking himself off, "Okay, Eggman, we'll play this game. I'll give you till the count of three. One! Two! Aw screw it, I'm going back."

**_To be Continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: Music, and Monsters!_**


	9. Chapter 8: Music, and Monsters!

**_Act One: "Double Trouble"_**

**_Chapter Eight_**

**_"Music, and Monsters!"_**

Classic Sonic smiled at the familiar hallways of the Death Egg, "Alrigth, where are you Robuttni-AH!"

He just barely managed to avoid going over the edge of an abrupt stop in the floor. He shook his head as the floor rumbled, and something rose from the gap.

"Greetings Sonic, are you ready to die?" Then he started to sing…

**(BGM: Death Egg Robot Boss Music)**

**Eggman: 'Cuz look at what I've got just for you!**

**Sonic: Oh Joy! Another robot to destroy!**

Sonic ran onto the platform that the Death Egg Robot stood on as it started to rise.

**Eggman: Oh but this one's much more powerful than he ever was before!**

**Sonic: Oh boo! What harm can it do?**

Sonic easily dodges one of the rocket fists.

**Eggman: Well it's really-really fat! I can crush you with its fat ass! Ow!**

**Sonic: Looks to me like your fat ass is really your weak spot! Oh yeah bitch got burned yeah!**

**Eggman: Well now I'm starting to get really angry!**

**Sonic: Cry me a river you pansyyyyyyyYYY!**

Sonic barely managed to land on his feet after with a big stomp from the robot he was sent flying. He landed on some platforms surrounding the Death Egg Robot. Eggman tried to lock onto him with his rocket fists.

**Eggman: Time to bite this now little bitch! Now I'm going to hit you with my Rocket Fist!**

"Hi," Omachao said. "Did you know that the Doctor's moustache is fake?"

"No," Classic snapped at him.

"As mentioned in Sonic Adventure-"

"Get the fuck out of here!"

**Eggman: Are you ready to die cuz my Rocket fists are ready to punch you!**

**Sonic: Not on my watch Robuttnik, you see I'm gonna hit you… In the face!**

And so he did. As Eggman hit a bomb with one of his fists Sonic Spin Dashed right up the arm.

**Eggman: OH! Well guess what now I'm pissed, that means you're going to die!"**

**Sonic: Ha-ha-ha! I'd like to see you try!**

**Eggman: Will you just hold still for once?**

**Sonic: No I don't think I will!**

**Eggman: God-dang hedgehog, I fucking hate you!**

**Sonic: Love you too Eggy, not really, HA!**

**Eggman: Now you're starting to drive me insane you little twat!**

**Sonic: Why not just give up now and spare the pain?**

**Eggman: BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME FAT!**

**Sonic: Sorry buddy but you know what you deserve, one hardcore scrambled up nerd!**

**(End Song)**

"I'll keep it up for twenty years if I have to!" Eggman struggled to keep his robot under control as with one final hit to the face it started to blow up, "Oh why?! Why can't I ever win?! You little bitch!"

"I'll stop when you stop fucking around with nature you retard!" Sonic curled up to shield himself as the robot exploded, "God, are you really that stupid? You fucking poacher!"

When the smoke cleared Sonic heard Eggman groaning, and soon found where he was in the debris.

"Ugh… What just happened?"

Sonic shrugged, "Did we just break into song?" He started making his way to the doctor, "Hey Robuttni-WAH!"

A sudden shockwave forced Sonic back as another portal appeared on the other side of the remains. The Time Eater cleared some aside, and lifted the doctor in an orb of purple energy.

"What the-?! WAH!"

Sonic shook his head, "Okay, who's the Wise Guy- ah oh, hi."

**_Why hello there sweety pie!_**

"I can't see anything," Eggman shouted from inside the orb.

**_You're coming inside of me darling…_**

"What?! NO! SONIC! SAVE ME! NOOOOOOOO!"

**_Om nom nom nom nom nom nom GULP!_**

And with that the Time Eater retreated back into the portal with the orb, leaving Sonic to wonder what just happened.

"Well… _that_ wasn't in the least bit disturbing…"

…

Classic Sonic made his way back out of the portal where Modern Sonic, and both Tails' were waiting for him.

Modern Sonic rubbed his chin, and then turned to his Tails, "What the hell is this? Are we gonna name it?"

Classic Tails smiled, "Hey two Sonics, it all makes sense now!"

Modern Tails was fawning over his younger self, "Aw he's so cute!"

Classic Tails didn't pay him any attention, "That explains how I saw you at Casino Night when-"

"Aw Sonic, isn't he adorable?"

"Meh," is Modern Sonic's reply.

"I was talking," Classic Tails whined.

"He looks so cuddly, let's take him home!"

"Let's not," Classic Tails said a bit edgily with a dirty look at his older self.

Moder Sonic rubbed his chin as he looked between the younger Mobians, and shrugged, "We can only keep one."

"Can we take him home Sonic? Can-wecan-we-can-we? _Can we? CAN WE?!"_

"I don't know…"

"Shut up you!" Classic Tails put his hands on his hips, "I'm trying to say a theoretical breakthrough, and how the hell do I know these big words? I can't talk with you yapping your mouth!"

Modern Tails giggled while Modern Sonic facepalmed, and Classic Sonic put his hands on his hips. Suddenly the ground started to tremble.

Modern Sonic shouted, "Uh-oh, I sense a truck fight!"

A portal opened in the air, and the Time Eater emerged.

**_Hello there!_**

"What's it doing," Classic Sonic wondered out loud.

**_I'm just going to fly around the sky a little, m'kay? 'Kay!_**

It flew around, and then vanished through another portal. When it disappeared so did the wall of energy, and the next set of stages was revealed.

Classic Tails took two steps in the direction the Time Eater went before turning to the others, and pointing up, "What was the point of that?"

They looked thoughtful for a minute, and then Modern Sonic snapped his fingers, "I got it, I'll call you Mini Me!"

The ground shook again as a girlish shriek ran out, "OH MY GOD, TWO SONICS!"

Modern Sonic's eye flew wide, "Okay, Mini Me?"

"What?

"Run."

"…What?"

"RUN!"

The Sonic's took off while Classic, and Modern Tails watched.

"Well this doesn't look good," Modern Tails said.

"Why?"

"…It's Amy."

"Amy? What's so bad about her?"

"Well throughout the years she got a little… what the word? …Cuckoo."

…

The Sonics had gotten separated as they made their way back into Sky Sanctuary, hoping to lose Amy Rose in the rubble. She spotted Classic Sonic, and took off after him, hammer in hand.

"Now that I've got two Sonics in my sight I can put these screwdrivers to use!"

"What?" Classic looked over his shoulder in time to see Omachao fly past him.

"Better run Plumpy, that hedgehog is carrying a hammer!"

POW!

"OW! What the heck?! What's your problem?!"

"She's in love with you, in the "I want to mate you with a pointy stick" way."

"I'm gonna get you," Amy called out sweetly.

"Uh, no you're not!" Classic Sonic came to an upward ridge that he couldn't quiet run up. Behind him he heard Amy getting closer. "Ugh, oh god!"

I the nick of time he spun up the ridge to rest at the top of a steep hill, panting.

"Sonniku," Amy crooned from right behind him.

"Wuh, get away from me!" He took off, and eventually hid behind a stone overhang. He panted, "Did I lose her?"

"Nope!"

"WAH!" Sonic bolted again. Until…

"A wall?! Shit!" He ran back, and found a Rent-A-Top.

"You can't escape my love Sonic!"

"Is that love gonna kill me?"

"Probably, but I'll still enjoy it."

"Then I don't want any part of it!" Sonic got on the Top, and made his getaway.

"Our love is eternal Sonic!"

"Yeah, that's nice crazy lady."

"You know you love me Sonic, why else were we in bed together?"

"If I knew you'd be effed-up like this I wouldn't have anywhere close to touching you in the first place!"

"…Do you really mean that Sonic?"

"Yes I do Amy."

"THEN DIE!"

POW!

"WAH!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sonic used a red orb to get away from that hammer's range, "What happened to you Amy? You used to be so nice, and sweet, and cute-"

"Let me tell you what I am today Sonic!"

"Hide, I gotta hide…" Sonic crouched behind a handrail so that he was out of the reader's sight. He trembled as he heard Amy steadily getting closer.

"Now that you've created this monster there is NO ESCAPING IT! Ya hear _that_ Sonic?! I am who I am today because of _YOU_! And the rest of your friends too; Tails, Knuckles, and every other friend you made! You influence everyone around you to the point where their lives change permanently, and they become completely different people! Different from who they use to be such as myself, and yourself- _I CAN SEE YOU ASSHOLE!_"

"Oh shit!" Sonic jumped out of hammer range just in time.

"Hiding in 80's Cartoon Style doesn't work on my turf!"

"Gotta get out of here! Gotta get out of here!" Sonic hopped on another top to make his getaway which would have worked if it wasn't for the spiked balls.

"OW! FUCKING MARBLE GARDEN!"

"You're mine Sonic, MINE!"

"I thought Metal was yours!"

"You'll always be mine Sonic, _always!_"

POW!

"OW, STOP THAT!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sonic was so busy trying to get back on the top that he didn't notice when he ran into spiked ball until rings went flying.

"Amy," he growled through his teeth. "Just… Stop!"

"Where you going Sonniku? Come back here and confess your love me. Say that you love me, and then I'm gonna kill you!"

"Never you bitch!"

"You're gonna love me!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"I'LL HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DEAD BODY!"

"Ugh… That's taking it kinda far, don't you think?"

POW!

"AHH!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"GET AWAY!"

"Come here Sonniku!"

"DO NOT WANT! DO NOT WANT! DO! NOT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!"

"Don't run away!"

"GET OUT OF MY LIFE YOU PSYCHOPATH! I…I can't take this anymore!"

"…Sonic?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Faster than ever before Sonic left a confused Amy in the dust.

She put a finger to her lips as she lowered her hammer, "…Did I… go too far with the psycho thing?"

…

Classic made it back to the white zone, a new Chaos Emerald in his grip from his daring escape as the world started to darken.

"…Tails?"

Classic Tails found him in the dark, "Yeah?"

"I…I'm not liking the new Knuckles, and Amy so much," he said with a shaky voice.

"Ehhh yeeeah, Sonic? I wouldn't be worried too much about them."

"Huh?"

"Well… I'm a little more worried about something else…"

"…And what's that?"

"I'm… I'm more worried about…us…"

"Us?"

"Uh-huh, I've been observing ourselves – our future selves – they're behavior, and all that and…"

"Yeah, they do see kinda fruity, but I don't think they're _that_ bad. Not as bad as… you know… crazy-ass bitch…"

Classic Tails noticed the way Sonic's voice cracked, and heard him start to cry. "Sonic?"

"At least the worst part's over, right? …Right…?"

**_End of Act One_**

**_Next: Act Two, "Chasing Hedgehogs"_**


	10. Chapter 9: Back to Earth!

**_Act Two: "Chasing Hedgehogs"_**

**_Chapter Nine_**

**_"Back to Earth!"_**

We find our four heroes in the same black space we left them while HTKWolfe took a much deserved break. In the black void Modern Sonic feelt around for Classic Sonic.

"Hey hey! Rise and shine!"

"Wah!" Classic rubbed the sleep from his eyes, "What do you want?"

"Time to continue our magical adventure, dude!"

"What the- It's ten o clock at night!"

"Oh c'mon you big baby, there's no time in this white world."

Classic made an audible groan of protest, "Another five minutes!"

"Get out of bed you cranky butt, c'mon!"

Sonic set off an alarm clock as he started pulling Classic out of bed, "C'mon- C'mon- C'mon- C'mon!"

"Will you let go of me?! AND SHUT THAT THING OFF!"

Sonic turned off the alarm clock.

"Thank you, jeez! That thing is for reals."

"Alright, c'mon Mini Me!"

"Where're we going?"

"Looks like our next destination is good old Station Square!"

"Okay cool," Classic said groggily. "Let's just go."

"Well, all we have to do is open up this door, it's so damn dark in here."

…

"And voila, we're here!" Sonic fixed his gloves before he took off. Classic was still sleepy so he ended up taking a different route, not that Modern Sonic noticed. He was too busy talking to himself.

"Time to check out of the motel, and take it to the highway!"

"Oh okay- WHOA!" Classic's eyes shot open as he hit a Boost Hoop, which shoot him into a Loop. "Okay, that woke me up."

Modern Sonic boosted through a Loop of his own, "WWOOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOO! YEAH! Now this is what I call a Speed Highway! Nonstop running along the sides of buildings!"

Classic was still close enough to hear him, "Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that. What is this place? I don't think I've ever been here before."

"Well, when you're 14 you end up in this batshit insane city named Station Square-"

"OW! WHAT THE-?!"

"Whit batshit insane drivers," Modern Sonic finished dryly.

"GET OFF THE ROAD," one of the drivers shouted.

"UP YOURS," Classic retorted.

"Don't forget to mention this ain't Mobius no more," Omachoa said.

"I was getting to that," Modern sighed.

"Huh?" Classic cleaned out one of his ears.

Omachao continued, "Don't forget to mention the crooked pigs who run these streets."

Classic started, "What?"

"Yeah you appear in this scary place called Earth."

Classic was so shocked he didn't even notice that he was running off the edge of a building. Luckily he caught on to a conveniently placed-

"WHOA! A rocket?!"

He rode it to the next building until he let go while crashing through a window, and the rocket blew up a few stories above him.

"That didn't sound good," Classic dusted himself off while Modern was hopping over boxes across the street.

"Yeah rockets will do that. Crap, missed that Light Dash."

"Light Dash? Earth? Pigs? What are you talking about?"

"Shit happens in the future." Sonic hit a spring that shot him high into the air, and he grabbed onto a helicopter. He glanced up as he heard the pilot talking into his radio.

I've located the perpetrator! He's on my vehicle _right now! I_ _repeat,_ _ON MY VECHILE!_

"This is my stop!" Modern Sonic dropped off into a freefall.

_He's escaping!_

Send the force after him!

Sonic whooped as he ran up the side of a building, and came face to face with three hovering cop cars.

"Oh hello!"

FREEZE! Hey, where'd he go?!

Back there sir.

Sonic was trying hard not to laugh as he ran down the side of the building, "Oh I'm sorry officer, is there a _problem?"_

BET YOUR ASS THERE'S A PROBLEM!

"Catch me if you can Pigs!"

He's heading into the underground parking garage!

Sonic bashed through some skylights, and had to dodge some pillars.

"WHOA! WAH! SHIT!"

"Hi," Omachao popped up again. "I'm here to warn you about something."

"A little late jackass!"

The swarm of cop cars that had been chasing Sonic started crashing into the ground.

I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!

I CAN'T FEEL MY APEDEX!

Sonic laughed as he boosted off, "Ha! Just what I'd expect from noobs like you!"

Sonic was so wrapped up in his self-congratulations he failed to notice a window opening as he ran across the side of a building, which he promptly crashed into.

"Ow…"

Somebody catch that little blue bastard!

Classic Sonic was peacefully making his way through another part of the city, "What's with all the commotion? Did something go down?" Off in the distance he could hear something…

FREEZE! THIS IS THE TIME POLICE! YOU ARE TRESSPASSING IN A TIME PERIOD THAT IS NOT OF YOUR OWN!

"Too bad."

…Classic shrugged, and hit a spring that shot him high into the air.

"WAH! Whoawhoawhoawhoa!"

He caught onto a helicopter, and let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, that was lucky."

I've located the hedgehog, once again, _ON MY VEHICLE!_

"Huh?" Sonic let go, and took off again.

Modern Sonic was having a good time though, "WHEEEEEE!" He caught onto a rocket, and used it to get to the next building.

The miscreant is escaping!

A ROCKET JUST BLEW UP A CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE… AND A CHURCH!

Classic Sonic heard that one, "Miscreant? What does he mean by 'Miscreant'? Did I do something wrong?"

Modern Sonic boosted across the side of a building, and onto a road.

He's speeding on the highway!

SPEEDING?! That son of a bitch…

Three more cars got in Sonic's way.

FREEZE!

"_You_ freeze!" Sonic hit them with Homing Attacks before moving on.

YOU LITTLE-!

"NOT GONNA CATCH ME SUCKERS!"

There he is- GAAAAHHHHH!

Sonic shook his head sadly as he boosted right through their ranks, "Wow… just wow guys."

Classic Sonic was having a WTF moment of his own, "What is wrong with the design of this city? Springs everywhere, whacky highways, spikes, falling platforms… Who built this place anyways? What were they thinking?"

Modern Sonic was stopped by a traffic jam, and he jumped up and down on a car, "C'mon you ass the light is green!"

Sonic hopped off, and tried to get around the line of cars, "C'mon, get out of the way!"

There he is!

FREEZE!

"SHIT!" Blinding lights flashed on all around Sonic.

Classic Sonic spotted the sign, "There sure is a lot of stuff going on in this city, at least I'm leaving now."

…

Classic stretched as he stood outside Speed Highway in the white Limbo.

"Well Sonic, looks like you've pulled off a fast one once again."

He watched Speed Highway color itself in, and jumped a bit when he heard, **"YeS! FrEeDoM! fReEdOm!"**

He snapped his head around for the source of that demonic voice, and saw Cream the Rabbit, and her Chao Cheese being freed. She cleared her throat, "Uh... Um… I mean I'm free!" She hopped for joy a couple times before she high-fives Cheese.

"Um," Sonic scratched his head. "Do I know you?"

"Of course you know me," Cream said in her sweet voice. "I'm Cream the Rabbit, Silly!"

"Uh…"

"Anyways, thanks Master Sonic!"

(A/N: Just to be clear for the ignorant, the term "Master" here is implied as an honorific for a young man. It's a British thing from the Ye Old era... At least I hope that's what it means here. O.O)

_I guess he made some more friends throughout the years… Speaking of which, where is he?_

Classic looked over his shoulder at the sound of a telephone ringing.

"Huh? …What's that? …It's coming from over there."

Sonic ran back through the Limbo past the stages they've already freed.

"Hey Knux… Hey Psycho Bitch… Hey Tails…"

He passed a stand with Omachoa floating out in front, and Sonic barley paid him any attention as he walked over to the payphone that was ringing.

"Hey retard bot," Sonic then picked up the phone. "Hello?"

_"Dude... they got me."_

"Other me?!"

_"Yeah, it's me. The Coppers dude… they got ahold of me, and dragged me down to the Big House!"_

"Are you alright?"

_"Sort of… Still scared shitless about what's gonna happen to me. What with the prison mates, and the showers and all…"_

"What?"

_"Dude, you gotta bust me out, I'm freaking out here!"_

"Uh, what if I just get some rings from Casino Night, and bail you out?"

_"No! That place sucks! You gotta do this NOW! Please man, it's scary as hell here!"_

"You're Sonic the Hedgehog, what are you afraid of?"

(A/N: Besides water, and Amy Rose?)

_"MR. Hedgehog! For the third time, I ask, PLEASE PUT AWAY YOUR CELL PHONE!"_

"What the… Who was _that?_"

Modern Sonic sighed on the other end of the line, "I gotta go…"

…

Sonic slipped his phone back into his quills as the judged banged his gavel.

"Your impulsive behavior is intolerable Mr. Hedgehog!"

Sonic looked abashed, "Uh, sorry Your Honor…"

"Sorry won't cut it now, considering what your crimes are…"

Sonic was a little ticked, "Oh, for trespassing in a restricted area? Everyone does that in this stupid city!"

"Oh we're not talking about _that_ Mr. Hedgehog..."

Sonic raised an eyebrow, "Wait, what?"

"We're talking about the many other crimes you've committed since you've stepped back into this city! Allow me to read from this list…"

The judge picked up a paper labeled "Court Crap," and Sonic frowned in confusion as the judge cleared his throat.

"Ahem… Destruction of city property, busting others' televisions, urinating in others' toilets, making fun of the obese, sexually harassing the young and innocent, going over the speed limit, stealing food, attempting to break into public _and_ private vehicles… Annnnnd to top it all off: burning down a church… and a children's orphanage."

Sonic narrowed his eyes at the judge, "But I didn't do any of that!"

"Bullshit."

(A/N: I'm with the judge on this one, you were obviously speeding.)

The prosecutor Edgeworth pointed at Sonic, "Mr. Hedgehog we clearly _saw_ you do all of it… Even if it was dark at night… and it was hard to see your blue fur… And some of the officers weren't as active because _SOMEBODY _decided to drink all their morning coffee-"

Godot took a big gulp from his mug, "FUCK THAT'S GOOD!"

"But that don't mean we ain't stooped or nothin'," Edgeworth finished.

Sonic looked to his attorney, "C'mon Pheonix, you gotta have something!"

In the audience Tails, and Amy crossed their fingers as Pheonix said, "…I got nothing."

Sonic hung his head, and his ears drooped, "I'm going to prison, aren't I?"

**_To be Continued…_**

**_Next Chapter: "Escape from the Batshit Insane City!"_**


End file.
